Everything I Never Told You
This book by Celeste Ng enthralled me with a deep dive into five different people's minds in the same family. As pretty qualified armchair psychologist I always love exploring others motivations and thoughts. How much different characters chose to reveal and conceal about what they are thinking and differing motivations. The final reveal of Lydia's motivations was truly heart breaking because she didn't want to die. She wanted to be cleansed and reborn as herself minus heavy parental expectations. She didn't know what that would look like but took the first step towards freedom which turned out to be her last. Someone who would no longer serve as the younger blueprint for her mother's thwarted career; abandoned but never forgotten.
Love is the undercurrent most families are built on and all other emotions and actions work to undermine this while seeking their own satisfaction. Identities are fluid but most seem set in stone. You must be a doctor because I didn't get to. I refuse to be a homemaker because you couldn't aspire for more. Couple all these complexities with the feeling of constantly being an outsider in your own community and the effects are tidal, constantly in motion, never ceasing. Never ebbing and disappearing completely.
James, Lydia’s father, wants to blend in and has never been able to trick people into believing he is one of them. Marilyn, Lydia’s mother, wants to stand out by becoming a doctor because she excels at it and beats being a housewife like her own mother. She quit school when she became pregnant and later tries to go back when her two kids are a bit older over the summer but is thwarted by another pregnancy. Even though her own mother is dead the internalized struggle and need to become something more than her, surpassing house work, doesn't stop. She just passes the burden to Lydia.
The parents blame themselves for Lydia's death because as the papers keep telling them; mixed race kids feel like they don't belong. The ending doesn't promise rosy miracles but slow and eventual healing. The whole family accepts that they didn't really know everything about her even though all her secrets aren't exposed. Like any teen she struggled with her identity and was about to turn it all upside down to start over. She was never going to fit in like her father wanted and already stood apart like her mother wished even without taking difficult science classes. She doesn't thrive in these like her mother. More flounders along until it is clear she is lacking in curiosity and aptitude.
No one escapes blame or gets out unscathed in Everything I Never Told You. I think this is a popular myth perpetuated by those surrounded by comfort and money; no problem can't be solved with these two things. Two people can grow up in the same household and have vastly different experience even if they share the same DNA.
Whether explicitly stated or not, we've all felt the heavy hand of parental pressure. Whether it comes as a gentle nudge or outright criticism, their hopes and expectations of the future are pinned to you. I wasn't told specifically to go into science but it seemed logical. Also both of my parents were science fiends and advocates with Discover magazines strewn around the house. I figured if I liked reading those magazines maybe I would like science but needed to be a branch that appealed to me. Which is how I wound up in psychology.
I didn't realize until it was a bit too late, junior year, that I didn't want to be a researcher, lab assistant or go to graduate school which are the tried and true paths of psychology undergraduates. I took stock in the fact that most people were not working somewhere that their major dictated, minus a few exceptions. I figured having a degree at all was what mattered which was true since I eventually got a job outside of working at the mall. I got this book on Saturday morning and finished by Sunday evening which is pretty fast even for a voracious reader like me. I also loved Little Fires Everywhere but Everything I Never Told You seems to pluck at universal themes that I haven’t seen done really well in a while or at all.
